Tuesday, March 30, 2010

We've Moved!

We... ok, I moved.

this blog is now in a new home, check it out at http://madmansmess.com/wordpress/

Do me a favor and turn the lights off when you leave here, ok? Thanks. :-)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Things I Find

Ok folks, it appears that "the big fake out" was a bust and it really is spring in Minnesota. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, it's just that it means one thing more than any other...  yard maintenance.

Leaves? Raked
Trash? Picked up
Flower Beds? Prepped and ready to go... but wait... this one comes with a tale.

I was digging in one of the new flower beds out back and discovered something that was funny, yet kind of disturbing at the same time.

"Earthdays™" Happy Meal tray

I typed "McDonald's Earth Days" into Google and found a reference to it at secinfo.com (you know, cuz I'm thorough like that) and according to the document on file there, it was a Happy Meal promotion run in conjunction with the National Audubon Society and launched in April... of 1994. 


©1993 McDonald's Corp - why did they wait until '94?

Now I'm sure some of you are expecting me to start relentlessly ripping on McDonald's, but no. That was the mid-ninty's and recycling was all the rage back then... or it was starting to be, anyway. I just find it funny that this corporate experiment in recycling and childhood education on the subject wound up being buried in my backyard for probably all of the 16 years since it was purchased, and came out in such good condition. Knowing my kids, it was probably crushed before it was buried. 

The sad fact is, we are leaving more evidence of our existence than any other generation ever in Earth's history. Future archeologists will be digging up these "artifacts" and trying to figure out what cultural significance something like this might have had. 

*Insert wavy, foggy "let's go to the future" special effect here*

"We believe this was a vessel of some sort used in a bizarre ritual known as 'EarthDays' as the markings on it translate to. 'EarthDays' were an aboriginal celebration for the god known as 'Mother Nature' depicted here by the rounded 'M' symbol, most likely representing her breasts. This container was probably used to hold an offering of some sort, perhaps the blood of a small mammal."

Oh come on now, you KNOW our trash will outlive all our best attempts at permanent data storage. We're hard pressed to play back stuff from 30 years ago... now fast-forward 300 years.. or a thousand. Or ten thousand. At some point in our future, some shmoe will dig up something as simple as a plastic laundry basket and assume the porous structure was to let the blood easily flow out. Because you know, everything in history has a bizarre sacrificial or sexual ritual attached to it when you have no idea what it's real use was. 

But I digress. 

Finding this in my yard has really got me thinking that maybe, just maybe, I should start doing more to ensure things get properly recycled and reused. Congratulations, McDonald's. I wasn't in your target market for that campaign and it took 16 years, but someone learned something from it. 

Now all I need to know is what the hell this tray was for? I'm thinking blood containment. 

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Big Fake-Out

It's starting to thaw here in Minnesota. All the ice fishing shacks in the southern 1/3 of the state are gone, the northern 2/3 have another week or so to get them gone. I'm starting to see signs of my driveway under the pack ice. The potholes are forming in the streets and the sidewalks are sheets of ice thanks to all the melting snow. The sun is shining, and it's supposed to get up around 40˚ or so the next few days. (For all you Celsius-users out there, that's about 4.5˚c)

I may just open a window or two this afternoon. Seriously.

The stores are setting up all their lawn mowers and lawn fertilizer. People are venturing out in nothing more than heavy sweaters or hoodies, electing to leave their heavy winter coats hanging in the closet or draped over the chair by the door. It sure seems like spring is on its way, but I'm not falling for it. Oh no, I've been suckered by the big fake-out before and I've learned my lesson.

Just about the time I start thinking about tuning up FrankenMower© and trying to squeeze one more season out of it, the illusion of spring will cruelly be yanked away.

Oh sure, I'm enjoying not having to dress up like I'm on an arctic expedition when I'm going to the store that is 3 blocks away, but I know that as long as the temps keep dropping at night we're still in danger of winter kicking our butts at least one more time before it heads out. It's happened before and it will happen again. Just when we start thinking it's really over, WHAM!  Have another foot of snow! Canada will decide to shove one more polar air mass our way and it will hang out for a week or more. (Thanks Canada. You shouldn't have, no really.)

Weather here does that all the time. Last year, we didn't really have a "spring," summer started early and it seemed like we were in for a long, hot one. (Get your minds out of the gutter.) Then it got "unseasonably mild" – meaning it barely got into the 90s and we were lucky if it got in the 80s for most of it. Then winter showed up – IN OCTOBER. Bitter cold and snow showed up and it looked like we were in for a long, brutal winter. Wrong! It warmed up and again became "unseasonably mild" until just before Christmas. It didn't actually get COLD again until sometime in January.

I'll be enjoying the big thaw, but you know I won't pack away my snow shovel anytime soon. Winter hasn't had long to play here and I know it's not giving up just yet.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to break up some of the glacier that is my driveway. If I remember correctly, there's asphalt under there.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I have seen the future...

... and it scares me.

Yesterday, as is my routine of late, promptly at 11:00 am Central Time, I turned on the USA network. Regular programming? Ok, let's try CNBC. Regular programming. Hmmmm... ok, MSNBC. Regular programming. Desperately started flipping through channels in an attempt to find the Universal channel. Nothing. NBC itself? Nope. Nothing.. ok, next to nothing... the Today show.

It was then that I realized I've turned into (much to the dismay of most of my family) a curling junkie.

At first I was pissed, I quickly blamed NBC for losing interest since both American teams failed to make it to the semi-finals. A quick check of the schedule showed me that was not the case. There was only one match scheduled that day, a one-game playoff between the men's teams from Great Britain and Sweden, later in the day. I was crushed. My viewing routine was thrown into turmoil and disarray. NBC went from "Nothing But Curling" to being practically devoid of the sport.

Like many here in the US, the sport of Curling was a curiosity. We watch it despite the fact most of us only have a tenuous grasp at best of the rules and strategies. But these Olympics have us watching and learning and loving this sport. The fact that most of the people playing in the Olympics are rather easy on the eyes certainly helps, but seeing teams made up of ordinary folks, not bulked up freaks of nature, surely plays a major part in its appeal.

And yet, when these Olympics are over, we'll be denied any regular coverage of our new-found love. Most of us will have to wait 4 long years before we will be able to see it again.

As an example of how curling has really started to catch on here, I've even seen discussion threads started on the Chicago Cubs message board about it. Seriously? Americans are really starting to pay attention to it on a large scale. Our TV networks, be they cable only or broadcast, would be damned foolish not to give it some air time. ESPN? Come on guys, you started out covering stuff like this! Someone needs to capitalize on this golden opportunity. Honestly, you've been feeding us a steady diet of something we now need, and you're going to just yank it away from us like that?

All I know is that next week is going to suck.

Until then, I'll be watching all I can. Oh, and since the US is officially done, I'm jumping on the Team Canada bandwagon. Same continent, so it's ok, right? Go Canada!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

In The House

Ok, I admit it... somewhere in my life, and I'm not sure exactly when, I became an Olympics junkie. I always enjoyed the Olympics, winter or summer, but I had my sports. Stuff like luge, skiing, hockey, etc. Now I watch damn near all of it.

Even Curling.

You heard me. I said curling.

Not sure what that is? It's that sport with the folks sliding big rocks with handles on them towards a target and two sweepers carefully moving alongside of the sliding rock, sweeping like mad in front of it as it moves towards a bulls-eye.

Ok, you Curling fans can stop cringing at my shitatstic description. I didn't want to start throwing official terms around right off the bat. I know they're called "stones" and the target is called "the house" and those folks escorting the stones down the ice are called, well they are sweepers, so yeah. I guess I was ok with that one. (Learn more on Wikipedia)

But here's the thing. I grew up and lived most of my life so far not knowing a damned thing about curling. Didn't know and was happy in my ignorance. Then came '06 and I accidentally started watching an Olympic curling match. It was like watching a traffic accident in slow-motion... I couldn't stop watching it. Then my son came upstairs and at first he made fun of me for watching it, but soon, he was also sucked into the vortex and there he was, on the couch watching it with me. It's mesmerizing. In this day of "wham-bam, in-your-face, constant non-stop action" sports, curling seems, well, dull. Slow. Like watching paint dry. But give it a few minutes... it's like a combination of darts, bowling, shuffleboard and good housekeeping mixed in with some serious cutthroat strategy. How the hell these people get a 40-pound hunk of granite to move so precisely is way beyond me. Physics man, dig it. Besides, what other sport can you hear a television announcer say "he really needs to throw a high hard one in there" without giggling? I mean really.

But I digress... these aren't just ordinary hunks of granite they are sliding around out there... oh no no no... there are only 2 quarries in the world that have this specific type of quartz-free granite. You can learn about how they make them in this YouTube video from the show "How It's Made" This is some seriously hard fucking granite.

I guess I have to do my part to support the US Curling Team, since most of 'em are from right here in Minnesota. Win or lose, I'll be watching in quiet fascination whoever winds up playing for the medals.

Now here's the thing... I like watching curling, I'm fascinated by it, but really? I have only the slightest grasp on what the hell the rules are. I get the basics of scoring. I know the sweepers can't touch any of the stones in play. I'm learning the more intricate rules on play, time limits, strategies, etc. but still have a way to go. At least it's easier to pick up than Rugby, which, while also fun to watch, looks like the rules were made up during a weekend-long kegger at an insane asylum. Hey, I'm a baseball guy, what do you want?

I'd like to try it sometime, if for no other reason than to say I've tried it. I'm sure I'd suck and whichever team I was on would lose immediately, but I can't help but think that, like bowling, there would be plenty of beer around to drown everyone's sorrows. In that case, are there really any losers?

I just turned on CNBC and what do you know? Curling is on. See ya.

Friday, February 12, 2010

We Are The World

Wow.

So we're sitting here watching the opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics, and they just showed the world premiere of the new We Are The World video to help raise money for Haiti.

Well they showed part of it anyway. Call it a "World Pr" if you will.

I guess in this modern age with DVRs, DVD-Rs, Hi-Def, Digital-everything, they don't want to give away what they are trying to use to raise money.

So yeah... Without having seen the whole thing, my first reaction to this is a phrase we use around here... "Right church, wrong pew." (Or "Close, but no cigar, if you need a hand.) Lionel Richie and Quincy Jones need to go lock themselves in a room and take turns spanking one another for even thinking of making this abomination. Seriously. Come on guys, what were you thinking???

Ok, before I really get started, let me just say that I was never a real big fan of the original version of this song, but I did enjoy it. When it was released, we all knew it was a big deal, but had no idea we were watching a moment in music history. We all expected it to become a trivia question within a year. Its longevity is nothing short of amazing.

Now they remade it for another cause, with mostly new performers. Different arrangement. Abject failure.

First of all, many of the new performers are rappers and/or hip-hop artists. That's great, they appeal to the younger generation, but this song is not for them. In the original, different artists brought their unique style to the song, and they adjusted THEIR style to fit THE SONG. This time, the different artists brought their style and the song had to be adjusted to fit THEM. Really? There were parts of that song that just sounded like a straight-up train wreck.

Second, Michael Jackson included from the original? Really? I was never a big MJ fan, but the man poured his heart and soul into that original project and pulled artists from all styles of music together to help out. Seeing (and hearing) him in this video made me think it almost would have been better to just take him out of his coffin and prop him up in the corner. By that I mean they were totally USING him to help promote the video so why not just go all out?

Third, SCRAP THE AUTO-TUNE already!! Seriously, I don't know who the first kid to sing was, but the auto-tune was so heavy it was annoying. Some others had it set even higher so they got the robot-sounding voice thing going. Come on. It's a simple song. Learn how to sing it for real and leave the auto-tune turned off. Christ, I COULD SING THIS SONG. BOB DYLAN SANG THIS SONG. Do you really need to use that shit anymore?

I'm all for what these artists are trying to do. Haiti is in sad shape and will be for some time to come. They need all the help they can get. I'm happy that they are coming together to try to help. I just wish they hadn't screwed with the legacy of the original "We Are The World" and that they would have come up with a new song that would be better suited for todays popular artists.

What are your thoughts on it? Did you like it? Do you agree with me or do you think I'm nuts? Leave me a comment.

Friday, January 15, 2010

More Random Thoughts Again

Aaaa the last bastion for the blocked blogger... the random thoughts post.

Seriously, I don't know what's going on, maybe the holidays sucked all the creativeness out of me or something, but I've been racking my brains trying to come up with something... ANYTHING, for over a week now. Nuthin'. Static. Not even a test pattern. Just the rush of white noise and those fun little black and white speckles that seem to make patterns if you stare at them long enough. I swear I just saw a bunny...

No? Just me then, huh? Yeah right.

So anyway, here's a few things that I've been thinking of that I cant possibly stretch out to entire post on their own.

It's Follow Friday on Twitter again. I have a love/hate relationship with #FF. Here's my thoughts on #FF, and how I do it. I follow a bunch of people but I'm not going to flood everyone's stream with my entire follow list. There's no way I can include everyone every week. SOoooo... I started a list. Every week I do 5, count 'em, 5 Follow Friday posts. Some are already on my Follow Friday list, others are new additions to it. Each person gets their own post. That way you get to see why I am following that person and my good intentions won't get lost in the static that is Follow Friday. (without the bunnies) If you're not on it yet, you probably will be soon. :-)

--

Haiti has been the poorest nation in the western hemisphere for a long time now, it's a shame that such a tragedy had to happen in order for people to start stepping up and helping them out. I hope that when the rubble has been cleared, the dead have been buried and the cities rebuilt, that the world will continue to help these people rise above such abject poverty. Yes, we have slums and cities like Detroit that are in serious need of help too, but they weren't just shaken flat leaving tens of thousands dead. So give if you can, what you can. Save a little to give to a local charity as well. We're all in this together. It shouldn't take a disaster for people to help out, at home or abroad.

--

It's warmed up to freezing here in Minnesota. :-) That means I get to go finish shoveling the sidewalks and driveway of what was packed down and frozen freakin' solid. I hope to find pavement again.

--

My son bought me a model for Christmas that I have finally started putting together. He says this is my test model. If I do this one well, he'll buy me a big fancy one for my birthday. I haven't built a model in over 10 years. Glue smells like lemon now. (Aaaah limonene, is there anything you can't make smell good?) What is it? The Enterprise NCC-1701E. Painting those little windows is going to be a bitch. I need glasses. Oh and some kind of elaborate hand stabilizer. Cuz I ain't giving up my coffee anytime real sooon.

--

The Minnesota Vikings play against the Dallas Cowboys up here in the Metrodome this Sunday. I only mention this because I am watching ESPN right now and some assclown picked the Cowboys to win. Heh. There is no way Dallas is going to come here and hand the Vikes thier first loss at home this season in the playoffs. That's ok though, as a lifelong Cubs and Bears fan, I'm used to rooting for the "underdogs."

--

Finally, I think I'll wrap this train wreck up with an open plea to a corporate entity. Dunkin' Donuts? Get your corporate ass up here to Minnesota already. Seriously. Krispy Kreme tried and utterly failed, but they overdid it. Too many new shops all at once, then too many 3rd party deals. (Grocery stores, gas stations... even Target for cryin out loud) People got burnt out on their limited variety quickly. Oh and that whole Atkins thing didn't help much either. So Dunkin' it's up to you. There are NO donut shops anywhere near me, and I live in Saint Paul! Don't make me eat grocery store donuts for the rest of my life, for cryin' out pete's sake. Don't make me beg... oh, I suppose it's too late for that.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I Can Haz Summer Now?

Hi folks.

Ok, this morning? It was cold.

 It was colder yesterday.

It will be cold again tomorrow.

I'm not talking "cold" like you folks down in the southern states call it. (28F? Really? I WISH we were that warm) I'm talking "Your nose freezes shut when you breathe in" cold. I'm talking -18F, not counting wind-chill, which is insane when even the slightest breeze kicks up.

Within the last month or so, Dave Price (@earlyshowdave on Twitter) the weatherman on the CBS Early Show has been in Minnesota TWICE. The first time he was near the Twin Cities because of the snowstorm. Yesterday, he was up in International Falls MN because they had the COLDEST TEMPS IN THE COUNTRY. AGAIN. Ok, so the folks up there are probably reading this and calling me a pussy and wishing they were as warm as -18F. (they were at -28F)

Point is, the holidays are over. New Years has passed. Winter can be DONE NOW. I'm sick of winter, snow, ice and everything else that isn't summery. The streets in my neighborhood are horrible. All of the sidestreets are covered with at least 3 inches of packed down ice and snow, and if that wasn't fun enough, now the ice layer is developing POTHOLES.

Yes, potholes in ice. Yea. We don't need asphalt trucks, we need a fucking zamboni. A BIG one.

 I got totally faked out when I moved to Minnesota. That was a harsh lesson I learned that very first winter. Down around Chicago, the snow plows basically sit and wait for the snow to start flying and they hit the streets big time. Not always perfect, but they do a pretty good job. So when I moved up here, naturally I thought "Hey, if ANYONE knows about moving some snow, Minnesota should be all over it!"

(insert funny trumpet "wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaaaahhhhh" effect here)

I've never driven down an exit ramp from the freeway and had to keep my wheels in the ruts in the ice before I moved to Minnesota. Ok, they've gotten better over the last several years, but still. That was unnerving to say the least.

 My point is, I live in the freakin' STATE CAPITOL and this is as good as it gets? Yikes. Maybe some of the folks up in International Falls can come down here and give these guys some tips. If not them, maybe some Canadians can come down and help us figure it out. And be quick about it... we have an "Alberta Clipper" headed our way, more snow followed by even colder temps by the end of the week.

With any luck, it will fill the potholes in the iceroads. My shocks will be happy.

If anyone needs me, I'll be curled up under my blanket. Someone nudge me in May.