I have seen the future...

... and it scares me.

Yesterday, as is my routine of late, promptly at 11:00 am Central Time, I turned on the USA network. Regular programming? Ok, let's try CNBC. Regular programming. Hmmmm... ok, MSNBC. Regular programming. Desperately started flipping through channels in an attempt to find the Universal channel. Nothing. NBC itself? Nope. Nothing.. ok, next to nothing... the Today show.

It was then that I realized I've turned into (much to the dismay of most of my family) a curling junkie.

At first I was pissed, I quickly blamed NBC for losing interest since both American teams failed to make it to the semi-finals. A quick check of the schedule showed me that was not the case. There was only one match scheduled that day, a one-game playoff between the men's teams from Great Britain and Sweden, later in the day. I was crushed. My viewing routine was thrown into turmoil and disarray. NBC went from "Nothing But Curling" to being practically devoid of the sport.

Like many here in the US, the sport of Curling was a curiosity. We watch it despite the fact most of us only have a tenuous grasp at best of the rules and strategies. But these Olympics have us watching and learning and loving this sport. The fact that most of the people playing in the Olympics are rather easy on the eyes certainly helps, but seeing teams made up of ordinary folks, not bulked up freaks of nature, surely plays a major part in its appeal.

And yet, when these Olympics are over, we'll be denied any regular coverage of our new-found love. Most of us will have to wait 4 long years before we will be able to see it again.

As an example of how curling has really started to catch on here, I've even seen discussion threads started on the Chicago Cubs message board about it. Seriously? Americans are really starting to pay attention to it on a large scale. Our TV networks, be they cable only or broadcast, would be damned foolish not to give it some air time. ESPN? Come on guys, you started out covering stuff like this! Someone needs to capitalize on this golden opportunity. Honestly, you've been feeding us a steady diet of something we now need, and you're going to just yank it away from us like that?

All I know is that next week is going to suck.

Until then, I'll be watching all I can. Oh, and since the US is officially done, I'm jumping on the Team Canada bandwagon. Same continent, so it's ok, right? Go Canada!

In The House

Ok, I admit it... somewhere in my life, and I'm not sure exactly when, I became an Olympics junkie. I always enjoyed the Olympics, winter or summer, but I had my sports. Stuff like luge, skiing, hockey, etc. Now I watch damn near all of it.

Even Curling.

You heard me. I said curling.

Not sure what that is? It's that sport with the folks sliding big rocks with handles on them towards a target and two sweepers carefully moving alongside of the sliding rock, sweeping like mad in front of it as it moves towards a bulls-eye.

Ok, you Curling fans can stop cringing at my shitatstic description. I didn't want to start throwing official terms around right off the bat. I know they're called "stones" and the target is called "the house" and those folks escorting the stones down the ice are called, well they are sweepers, so yeah. I guess I was ok with that one. (Learn more on Wikipedia)

But here's the thing. I grew up and lived most of my life so far not knowing a damned thing about curling. Didn't know and was happy in my ignorance. Then came '06 and I accidentally started watching an Olympic curling match. It was like watching a traffic accident in slow-motion... I couldn't stop watching it. Then my son came upstairs and at first he made fun of me for watching it, but soon, he was also sucked into the vortex and there he was, on the couch watching it with me. It's mesmerizing. In this day of "wham-bam, in-your-face, constant non-stop action" sports, curling seems, well, dull. Slow. Like watching paint dry. But give it a few minutes... it's like a combination of darts, bowling, shuffleboard and good housekeeping mixed in with some serious cutthroat strategy. How the hell these people get a 40-pound hunk of granite to move so precisely is way beyond me. Physics man, dig it. Besides, what other sport can you hear a television announcer say "he really needs to throw a high hard one in there" without giggling? I mean really.

But I digress... these aren't just ordinary hunks of granite they are sliding around out there... oh no no no... there are only 2 quarries in the world that have this specific type of quartz-free granite. You can learn about how they make them in this YouTube video from the show "How It's Made" This is some seriously hard fucking granite.

I guess I have to do my part to support the US Curling Team, since most of 'em are from right here in Minnesota. Win or lose, I'll be watching in quiet fascination whoever winds up playing for the medals.

Now here's the thing... I like watching curling, I'm fascinated by it, but really? I have only the slightest grasp on what the hell the rules are. I get the basics of scoring. I know the sweepers can't touch any of the stones in play. I'm learning the more intricate rules on play, time limits, strategies, etc. but still have a way to go. At least it's easier to pick up than Rugby, which, while also fun to watch, looks like the rules were made up during a weekend-long kegger at an insane asylum. Hey, I'm a baseball guy, what do you want?

I'd like to try it sometime, if for no other reason than to say I've tried it. I'm sure I'd suck and whichever team I was on would lose immediately, but I can't help but think that, like bowling, there would be plenty of beer around to drown everyone's sorrows. In that case, are there really any losers?

I just turned on CNBC and what do you know? Curling is on. See ya.

We Are The World

Wow.

So we're sitting here watching the opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics, and they just showed the world premiere of the new We Are The World video to help raise money for Haiti.

Well they showed part of it anyway. Call it a "World Pr" if you will.

I guess in this modern age with DVRs, DVD-Rs, Hi-Def, Digital-everything, they don't want to give away what they are trying to use to raise money.

So yeah... Without having seen the whole thing, my first reaction to this is a phrase we use around here... "Right church, wrong pew." (Or "Close, but no cigar, if you need a hand.) Lionel Richie and Quincy Jones need to go lock themselves in a room and take turns spanking one another for even thinking of making this abomination. Seriously. Come on guys, what were you thinking???

Ok, before I really get started, let me just say that I was never a real big fan of the original version of this song, but I did enjoy it. When it was released, we all knew it was a big deal, but had no idea we were watching a moment in music history. We all expected it to become a trivia question within a year. Its longevity is nothing short of amazing.

Now they remade it for another cause, with mostly new performers. Different arrangement. Abject failure.

First of all, many of the new performers are rappers and/or hip-hop artists. That's great, they appeal to the younger generation, but this song is not for them. In the original, different artists brought their unique style to the song, and they adjusted THEIR style to fit THE SONG. This time, the different artists brought their style and the song had to be adjusted to fit THEM. Really? There were parts of that song that just sounded like a straight-up train wreck.

Second, Michael Jackson included from the original? Really? I was never a big MJ fan, but the man poured his heart and soul into that original project and pulled artists from all styles of music together to help out. Seeing (and hearing) him in this video made me think it almost would have been better to just take him out of his coffin and prop him up in the corner. By that I mean they were totally USING him to help promote the video so why not just go all out?

Third, SCRAP THE AUTO-TUNE already!! Seriously, I don't know who the first kid to sing was, but the auto-tune was so heavy it was annoying. Some others had it set even higher so they got the robot-sounding voice thing going. Come on. It's a simple song. Learn how to sing it for real and leave the auto-tune turned off. Christ, I COULD SING THIS SONG. BOB DYLAN SANG THIS SONG. Do you really need to use that shit anymore?

I'm all for what these artists are trying to do. Haiti is in sad shape and will be for some time to come. They need all the help they can get. I'm happy that they are coming together to try to help. I just wish they hadn't screwed with the legacy of the original "We Are The World" and that they would have come up with a new song that would be better suited for todays popular artists.

What are your thoughts on it? Did you like it? Do you agree with me or do you think I'm nuts? Leave me a comment.